Once upon growing up

This post was written last spring. I'm finally publishing it...

A.
“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.” 

My son has worn long sleeved shirts for two years. 

In 110 degree Arizona heat - long sleeves

In line at Disneyland - long sleeves

Every night to bed - long sleeves

Playing in the sprinkler - long sleeves. 

The only times I have seen him wear short sleeves is when he's swimming. 

There was a part of me that battled him on this for a while. Wanting to spare him the sweat - and more importantly the judgement that comes with dressing and acting different. But in the end - I decided to put my foot down when heat stroke began and until then - let him sort through it. I have learned, usually from painful errors, that when I listen to intuition we get right where we need to be. 

B.  

Tonight Shawn and I ate dinner outside. I pictured myself as a sponge and imagined soaking in the last of the nice weather before the heat that melts my flipflops and my soul starts to show up. The boys - one in a long sleeved shirt - are jumping on the trampoline and chatting with us. Its a good night. 

Ethan - finished with jumping - sits across from me and casually starts to tell me about school. The conversation starts to shift. I feel like he is...fishing. He wants to talk and he is testing the waters. 

Telling me about jokes he's heard. About words and gestures he doesn't understand. 

And then my 10 year old son tells me that he's seen pornography at school. He uses anatomical words to tell me exactly what he has seen.  I ask and he describes the way it made him feel. The fear and concern - he talks about feeling bad. And worrying about what would be thought of him. He lays all of his sweet and tender little heart on the table. 

I feel anger, disappointment, gratitude and peace.

I have always know - with certainty that this day would come. Its my belief you can't raise a child in this world and completely shield them from this. In some way - they will face it. But I trusted a school with my boy. And a schoolmate of Ethan's was able to access it during computer lab. 

No filter. No supervision. 

When I protect my child so vigilantly at home I expect the same when I trust them with him. 

I am absolutely disappointed in a system that builds fences to keep out those who could hurt them and then gives them free access to something that can wound in such a destructive way. 

 But there was peace. I sat across from this little boy and listened to him without a moment of fear.Honestly. I was filled with gratitude for the years of conversations between he and I that made this conversation possible - comfortable - honest. 

C.

Tonight I went in to tuck Ethan into bed. He was sleeping. Curled up looking so much younger - softer. And then I did a double take. My son was wearing a short sleeved shirt. For the first time in 2 years he was wearing a short sleeved shirt.