Expansion of me

My heart feels like it just expanded. Like an actual physical expansion. It was a wonderful feeling. Restorative and hopeful and gave me a taste of what a lifetime of love could possibly do to a human heart.

And so special because these moments don't happen daily. I wish they could - but then I'd probably explode with happiness. 

Tonight I got a glimpse of something ...

I laid of the couch reading Anne of Green Gables to Ethan (my future daughter in law can thank me later) and then I went on a walk with Shawn. The walk started at 9:15 and now two hours later I am sitting here reflecting on what happened. It started with us dancing in the streets. I told Shawn that we had to be figure skaters and put on a show in the street. We would be given 1 million dollars and could pay off our house and do wonderfully fulfilling things in this world with the money but we had to dance with no reservations. "Leave it all on the ice." And he went along with it.

 God bless that man. 

At one point I looked over and saw my handsome, technology loving, football is my favorite pastime, I just bought a shotgun last night husband - doing jazz hands while dancing down the center of the street. This is true. And I fell more in love. And I felt this expansion of my heart.  There is something about a man doing jazz hands with me that makes me feel safe. Almost as if he is saying " I love you so much that I will do this." I mean, if he will do jazz hands for me - his love is starting to feel limitless. 

And then we talked. We played old Heytell messages (kinda like a walkie talkie) that we exchanged while we were dating. And reminisced about those early magical days of falling in love. 

I thought of this song from Mindy Gledhill while we were listening to our sweet and somewhat embarrassing attempts at flirting over hey tell - 

"you, I've loved you from the start. In every single way. And more each passing day."

I really did love him from the start. As if something in his heart whispered to my heart - "I'm safe. I won't hurt you" It was all about safety in those days. All about protecting that little heart that felt like the glue that had mended it was still drying... 

He saw me. He heard me. And looked at me like I was chocolate cake. And no one had ever looked at me that way. I really really love being his chocolate cake. 

This is mushy. And I'm feeling vulnerable writing it. I kinda want to log it in my journal and leave it there. But there is this other part of me that feels like every girl needs to feel this kind of love. Needs to be someones chocolate cake. I had NO idea this existed. And I know its not possible without Heavenly Father. He is the author of love. And he can heal our hearts and direct our lives right to where this love waits for each of us. We all can have it. Every single one of us.