On Being "Hot"

I was stuck in a hotel last night. 

Stuck...it sounds so ungrateful. I mean it could have been worse. I could have been stuck at home. And that people, would have been a tragedy. You would have seen our faces plastered on the newspapers:

"Mother and Two Young Sons Cook to Death in 92 Degree Home" 

They would have found us huddled together with bags of frozen peas all over us. 

You can learn a lot about yourself in time of stress. I now know what I always suspected about myself - heat brings out the rage in me.

It was time to take Ethan to scouts and we had been in this 90 degree house for a few hours and I needed to get out....NOW. Ethan, who was sweaty and lethargic from the heat was moving very slowly and I could feel my face getting redder and redder and my anger was rising. I have a vague memory of telling him that if he "didn't get his scout shirt on and get his bum in the car in 1 min that I would feed all his stuffed animals to the sharks at Sea World." Yeah, that happened. Mother of the Year. Future Therapist in training....

While stuck at the hotel and unable to sleep I ended up watching a whole lot of trashy TV. I never really watch TV. I read a lot. I watch movies on Netflix sometimes , I Tivo "Antiques Roadshow"(don't you dare judge me). And I found myself in this trance watching some show starring the Kardashians. I am not sure which it was - they do have a lot of shows now-a-days, don't they? 

I didn't want to watch it. I literally felt the brain cells melting out of my head...disappearing forever.  I really wanted to stop. But I had to know what was going to happen with the psoriasis crisis that could possible ruin her modeling career. Or the teenage birth control controversy. Or the appendicitis.

And I know I am about 12 years to late to this conversation - but does anyone else think that show is scripted?? I mean, seriously.  Why does anyone watch? ( okay, disregard my earlier paragraph about my trance like binge on Kardashian last night...) 

Then this morning while eating breakfast at the hotel the boys saw the news in the lobby. It was about some young boy who had killed someone and the death penalty was being considered. Well, what a way to start off the day. 

They boys were disturbed. I think I have done a pretty good job of sheltering them from things like this. I am not sure - until today they ever had even considered the idea that people kill each other. They have seen  Harry Potter. But that's wizards with wands and cloaks and beards and all things very very different from the world they live. And so Tyler has been asking me all day about jail and who goes there. Murder and who does it? The death penalty and if you can get it for pouring milk in some one's new purse (which made me rush back and check the interior of my very favorite new purse...) 

They are 8 and 6....it won't be much longer till the innocence is over. Its really sad. I love that they think the world is "fun" and all people are "nice." Everyone is a future friend and trust is something you give to all....But after today's news I could see the slight change. I saw Ethan lock our hotel door when we got back in.

We are home now...waiting for the AC repairman to come and save the day. I am hopeful that we'll have AC tonight...because that one night in a hotel was too educational!

PS. Kim got the psoriasis figured out and her modeling career is a GO. Whew! That was a close one.

Smores Bars.

Made these this weekend and they were a hit. Enjoy.

½ c margarine ( i use butter...its against my religion to bake with margarine)

½ c packed brown sugar

1 c flour

½ c graham cracker crumbs

2 c mini marshmallows

6 oz chocolate chips

½ cup chopped walnuts

1. Beat margarine and sugar until light and fluffy
2. Add flour and graham crackers – mix well.
3. Press into bottom of 9 in square pan.
4. Sprinkle w/ remaining ingredients
5. Bake @ 375 for 10-15 min

Note:  If this recipe is doubled press into a jelly roll pan.

Apology

Dear Body,

I would just like to apologize for the excessive amounts of Diet Coke I consumed today. I know its not good for you. Please forgive me.

Sincerely, 

Andrea

PS. I would also like to apologize in advance for the Diet Coke that will be consumed tomorrow.

Obviously this one hits close to home...

I watched this tonight. I have a Roku player and LOVE it. I use it for netflix and pandora and amazon on demand and facebook and a trillion other things. I just discovered that I can get BYU TV on it and the "Mormon" channel. Which means I can access all of these amazing-inspiring videos. Its a good way for me to start my day...focused.

I watched this today. I didn't cry. I just ached. It's a deep ache that I am not sure will ever go away - no matter how much time passes or how much healing takes place. A knife wound can heal - but there will always be a scar.

I wish I could speak to anyone struggling with this. Look them in the eyes and tell them what I know. I know its hard. I know that addiction - any addiction - is difficult - possibly more difficult than I will ever understand. I wish I could show them where it leads. How it accelerates...like a car with no brakes until it crashes and kills.

Poison that consumes and destroys everyone it touches.

Hurts and breaks hearts.

And families

And children

I wish I could let you glimpse what it has done to me and countless others  just like me.

There is another way - you are not in control -  but there is One who is.

To the Birthday Girl

So she's going to hate this. She has this whole i-hate-to-be-the-center-of-attention issue.

But in honor of my best friend’s birthday I have to start the celebration with this post about one of the most amazing women I have ever met.

I love the movie "It's A Wonderful Life," actually - it’s my favorite movie of all time. I love the idea that one life can have such a profound impact on the world. Change countless lives...

I remember being fascinated by the "butterfly effect" when I first heard of it as a child.

“When a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world it can cause a hurricane in another part of the world.  “

And it got me thinking. About what would have happened if…

I had never crunched my way through her chocolate cake filled with bay leaves An expensive perfume hadn’t been used as bathroom spray.

She hadn’t been my partner in crime in stalking a famous “David”

Or helped kick men out of mothers lounges

What if there had been no talking under blankets

Or crying long distance

No packages after announcements

And after losses

What if we hadn’t annoyed about 28,164 people with our movie photo shoots

 Or what if she hadn’t been living with me the day my world came crashing down… and my air conditioning went cranking up?

What if she hadn’t patiently persisted when I closed her out…

Or gotten mad for me -when I couldn't

What if there hadn’t been any stinky muumuu nights

Cheese Danishes

Blanket burning parties

Bridal show getaways

Or purses full of lamb.

What would my world look like without a women who believed in me when I couldn’t for myself?

Who sees the best in me 

Who sits in darkened chapels with me

Who listens when I ramble

Or cry

Who teaches me about tolerance, kindness, unconditional love

And really good ice cream.

I don’t know. I am glad I don’t have to know. My life will forever be changed because of her. And I will forever be grateful for her and the “leafy” chocolate cake that brought us together.

 A little video of total humiliation and embarassment...

Color Coded Closets and Robert Redford

Leaving my old house and my AMAZING closet was a little heartbreaking to this woman who loves her shoes to be organized. And so...finally after a year of closet chaos I organized. And although it's still tragically small (did I really just use the word tragic in reference to my closet...) it makes me so happy every time I open it and see those neat little rows. Here is a picture of half of my closet in all her organized glory. (the other half looks just as lovely...)

You know I have entirely too much time on my I-am-out-of-school-hands when I am posting pictures of my closet.

Also, I watched "The Horse Whisperer" for the first time today. Where have I been the last 13 years since it came out??

  Let me say I now officially have a crush on Mr. Robert Redford. Bye Bye Ryan Reynolds...Robert has taken your place. You may think that is sick...that he is too old for me. But to that  I say - his body may be old but his soul is still young.

Give me a clean closet and Robert Redford on a horse and I am one happy lady.

See this is what happens when I am out of school....its not pretty I tell you.

Changes

The only thing I would do to improve the amazing state of Arizona is get rid of its summers. 

And have free sno cone Mondays written into law.

Today

Some days I think that having kids is the coolest thing I have ever done.

Today is one of those days. 

Yep...this is a good one

Love this spinach dip. This dip was shared with me by Julie almost 3 years ago and it has been my go-to dip ever since. And I feel like its healthy. I mean, it has spinach and artichokes and no mayo (which most spinach and artichoke dips have) Although, I do believe the brick of cream cheese and Parmesan cheese may not be the most heart healthy.
Anyway we had it this weekend and I was reminded of the beauty that this dip and a chip can produce. LOVE it!
Enjoy

Hot Spinach and Artichoke Dip

6oz Chopped Artichoke Hearts

½ c frozen chopped spinach, thawed

1package cream cheese

½ cup Parmesan Cheese

½ tsp salt

½ tsp Red Pepper Flakes

1/8 tsp pepper

1/8 tsp garlic powder

Boil artichoke hearts and spinach in one cup of water over medium heat until tender( you don’t really have to do this…I never do. I just drain them and add them to the mix); drain. Warm cream cheese in microwave. Mix drained artichoke mixture to cream cheese and add remaining ingredients. Serve Warm

Makes about 3 cups

A little song about desperation...

remember good ol' chuck woolery. those were the good days. 

My sister had a friend in Boston who lets just say was not the most attractive(or best smelling) person you have ever met. I mean, I have nothing against a little individuality when it comes to dress - but I think when it comes to showers or clean underpants indivuality is very overrated. He fancied himself a musician and liked to sing about his love troubles (which considering the state of his hygiene isn't too surprising to anyone, is it folks?) One of his songs and my personal favorites was titled, "A Little Song About Desperation." Lovely, no?


So in honor of him and his song I have decided to add a few of my favorite lines from some rather desperate fellas in the world of online dating.
 Let me clarify. I am not online dating. Repeat: IT IS NOT HAPPENING. However, Lynsey and I( who sometimes like a good laugh in the evenings) decided to set up an account and - well, as they say in the movies - the rest is history.
So without further ado I am now presenting my top 10 most hilarious/desperate/concerning messages -
(Grammer has been untouched...)

• "I dot have a car. I dot have a job. But I could do your dishes and listen to you whenever you are sad. Can I plese be your boyfriend?"
• "Read all of Moses & Abraham tonight...I promise you you will enjoy... pray before hand for the spirit to instill the strength of the words within you...tell me how it goes"
• "the only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name" (my eyes didn't need to tell him that - it was already on the dang profile...)
• “This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, Chocolate MilkShake to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
• "Is youre smile always so cheesy". (ouch...that definitely won me over.)
• " You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby you’re da bomb." (no I am not joking...this actually happened)
• Can I just say you're Babilicious! (the answer to that question is no. no you may not say that...)
• "Where you hiding your wings?" (really? I think I got that one at 14)
• "I see you graduated, i thought you got your beauty degree before you left the pre earth life???"
• How YOU dooooin?
• "You're hotter than my daughter." (yes, this one came from a more "mature" gentleman. )

WATCH THIS...PLEASE. AND YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

All this she learned on a toilet...

Read this today. And not only did I laugh out loud....but I was inspired to be a bit gentler with me..

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson

This book is great. I loved it. I laughed out loud several times, stayed up until unholy hours finishing it and find myself thinking of the characters all morning (this is always a sign of a really good book in my opinion). However, I must say I almost quit the thing. I started it and maybe I am shallow but was really disturbed by the ages of the main characters. They are old widow/widowers and it really was hard for me to get past the idea the love interests in a book need to be young and fresh. (don't judge me and my shallow ways)

However, this book was a gem. I loved the message - clever writing -dry humor- and most of all I loved that these characters had the depth and story that can only come from someone a little more seasoned. This book made be detest obnoxious whippersnappers like myself and excited for the golden years when things really start to get fun!!

From Publishers Weekly:

In her charming debut novel, Simonson tells the tale of Maj. Ernest Pettigrew, an honor-bound Englishman and widower, and the very embodiment of duty and pride. As the novel opens, the major is mourning the loss of his younger brother, Bertie, and attempting to get his hands on Bertie's antique Churchill shotgun—part of a set that the boys' father split between them, but which Bertie's widow doesn't want to hand over. While the major is eager to reunite the pair for tradition's sake, his son, Roger, has plans to sell the heirloom set to a collector for a tidy sum. As he frets over the guns, the major's friendship with Jasmina Ali—the Pakistani widow of the local food shop owner—takes a turn unexpected by the major (but not by readers). The author's dense, descriptive prose wraps around the reader like a comforting cloak, eventually taking on true page-turner urgency as Simonson nudges the major and Jasmina further along and dangles possibilities about the fate of the major's beloved firearms. This is a vastly enjoyable traipse through the English countryside and the long-held traditions of the British aristocracy.

The Distant Hours

The Distant Hours by Kate Morton 

I read "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton a few years ago and really liked it. And so....last Thanksgiving when I was stuck in an airport with nothing to read I bought this. And it took me months to finish. Not because its too long - because long doesn't slow me down....I mean, this is the girl who read Harry Potter 7 in 24 hours. If I want to finish something I will (even if that means I do is sans shower or food). This book just took me FOREVER to really get into. Its a book with a whole lot of talking/wondering/thinking/pondering/ruminating/dreaming/meditating....you get the point and not a whole lot of action.
However, it is a very good book. A beautifully written book. Just not one that you should expect a lot of quick answers and movement. If you go into it with that in mind - I think the time put into it pays off greatly at the end with a very satisfying twist ending and a lot of mysteries solved.

From Publishers Weekly:
A letter posted in 1941 finally reaches its destination in 1992 with powerful repercussions for Edie Burchill, a London book editor, in this enthralling romantic thriller from Australian author Morton (The Forgotten Garden). At crumbling Milderhurst Castle live elderly twins Persephone and Seraphina and their younger half-sister, Juniper, the three eccentric spinster daughters of the late Raymond Blythe, author of The True History of the Mud Man, a children's classic Edie adores. Juniper addressed the letter to Meredith, Edie's mother, then a young teen evacuated to Milderhurst during the Blitz. Edie, who's later invited to write an introduction to a reprint of Raymond's masterpiece, visits the seedily alluring castle in search of answers. Why was her mother so shattered by the contents of a letter sent 51 years earlier? And what happened to soldier Thomas Cavill, Juniper's long-missing fiancé and Meredith's former teacher? Despite the many competing narratives, the answers will stun readers.

Sneaking a Peek.

Patience is a virtue...or at least I was told that many many times as a child.

I have a very bad habit. And in customary blogging fashion I am about to announce it to the world. I read the ending of a book first. I never start out intending to do it. I firmly tell myself, "Not this time, Andrea. You are going to be STRONG!" And then there would be a car crash or a wizards duel or a heart break so devastating that I am sure I will not live to read the ending....150 more pages, are you kidding me?? And so I would skip to the end. I'd peek. I would read enough to put my mind at ease. But the thing is - knowing the ending killed the magic.

In 2007 this all ended for me. I received the final book in the Harry Potter series - I was dying to know how it was going to end. Would Harry live? Would Voldermort - I mean, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named" be conquered? Would Ron finally grow up and ask Hermoine out?? And although I wanted to Peek...I didn't. I had waited far too long to ruin this. I was going to enjoy this book the way it was meant to be - cover to cover. In order.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wishing I could sneak a peek. Just get a little glimpse of how this whole thing called my life is gonna turn out. Get some PEACE over the worries we all have "Will my kids be okay...will I?" "Will I find love?"  "Will this Arizona sun give me wrinkles( I am joking....well, mostly)

However, as I was contemplating my wish to "read ahead" I was reminded of a little thing called faith.

Do I believe what I've professed to believe? Do I really believe He will do all He's promised to do? 

This is a question that is hypothetically easy to answer. But I have found its a lot harder when you are facing life. You know, those moments when pain or fear or uncertainty are banging at your door.

When you lose a child or pregnancy or house or job or marriage or parent. Loss makes you question. 

When you are betrayed or hurt or alone or abandoned or tired or weary or attacked or sick. Pain makes you question.
 

And for me  the answer to that question is YES.

I absolutely believe, I know. The promises are sure. That I will have a complete family. Alone will not last forever. That my children will be okay. Their pain will not last forever. That I will be guided and comforted...now and always. 

And so then comes in the faith. The turning the reins of my life over.  Not worrying about what will happen...because faith and fear can NEVER coexist. Because deep down inside - I already know the answer. I really do. So this is a book I don't need to read ahead in. Its a book with a perfect author. With a perfect plan.

White

I have always thought white was Ethan's color. His blue eyes and tan skin just "pop" even more when he's dresses in white. And it was never more true than this last Saturday.

Ethan with Uncle Ryan

A good friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago, "There is just something really special about the day your first born goes in that water." And she was right. It was an amazing day. 

As I have shared on this blog in the past, Ethan has social anxiety. And it has been a real struggle for him....and me. I have watched him struggle with school and primary programs and dentists and sports and it has been so painful to watch someone I love so much go through this. 

He wants to play/sing/go...but in the moment (especially his first time) he is terrified. He starts to sweat and his heart is beating out of his chest and he panics. And then he suffers after with the regret of missing out or feeling different. 

I knew that baptism was going be a hurdle for him. 

We've been talking about this for months. And every-time the subject was brought up I saw that look (the I am gonna bolt deer-in-the headlights look) and I was really very apprehensive about how this whole experience would go.

I wanted this to be his decision. I didn't want him to be forced or pressured into this. I decided that I would let him choose and respect his decision and when I asked him what he wanted to do he said very calmy, " I want to be baptized mom. I want to have an eternal family and I want to follow Jesus"(melted my heart). And he followed that statement with "But I don't know how I am gonna do it....I am so scared."

I have been praying and fasting for months for this little boy. I wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to have this experience under his belt that he could look back on and know he did it. I wanted him to not only accomplish this...but to enjoy it. 

. It didn't start well. He CLUNG to the car door when we pulled up that day. And he slumped into a ball in the corner of the dressing room when it was time to change into his white clothes. But then I said a prayer with him...and added another to the hundreds that had already been said in my heart that day.

And it was answered. 

He was baptized. And I cried all through it.

And he was confirmed. And I couldn't help opening my eyes.

And I saw his sweet face. It was completely PEACEFUL. Not one ounce of fear was found there. (and that my friends was our own personal miracle) And he had the biggest, sweetest smile across his face the entire blessing. I could just cry thinking of it. I know he was helped that day. 

Helped to accomplish something important to him and to HIM. I know that all of our struggles whether they be the small fears of a little 8 year old or the challenges facing nations are known and heard by God. I know that. 

And I am thankful that now Ethan knows it as well. 

I Am The Messenger

I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak

This book is written by the author of "The Book Thief", a book I absolutely adored. So now we are 2 for 2. I am really starting to love this guy. I think his books are smart, unique, and beautifully written. I loved this book - it was a page turner that I found myself immediately mesmerized  by it.(which has been rare lately - I find myself having such a hard time getting into most books I pick up...)
I don't want to say too much - but I would love for anyone who has read it to make a comment on what you thought of the ending...
Here is the overview The School Library Journal:
Nineteen-year-old cabbie Ed Kennedy has little in life to be proud of: his dad died of alcoholism, and he and his mom have few prospects for success. He has little to do except share a run-down apartment with his faithful yet smelly dog, drive his taxi, and play cards and drink with his amiable yet similarly washed-up friends. Then, after he stops a bank robbery, Ed begins receiving anonymous messages marked in code on playing cards in the mail, and almost immediately his life begins to swerve off its beaten-down path. Usually the messages instruct him to be at a certain address at a certain time. So with nothing to lose, Ed embarks on a series of missions as random as a toss of dice: sometimes daredevil, sometimes heartwarmingly safe. He rescues a woman from nightly rape by her husband. He brings a congregation to an abandoned parish. The ease with which he achieves results vacillates between facile and dangerous, and Ed's search for meaning drives him to complete every task. But the true driving force behind the novel itself is readers' knowledge that behind every turn looms the unknown presence - either good or evil - of the person or persons sending the messages. Zusak's characters, styling, and conversations are believably unpretentious, well conceived, and appropriately raw. Together, these key elements fuse into an enigmatically dark, almost film-noir atmosphere where unknowingly lost Ed Kennedy stumbles onto a mystery - or series of mysteries - that could very well make or break his life.

Something Blue

Something Blue by Emily Griffin

So if you read my previous review you would know that I didn't like "Something Borrowed". I mean, really, really really, didn't like it. So it is a bit shocking that I actually read the second book in the series "Something Blue". I am not sure why I did considering I disliked the first so much. But I think that it left such a bad taste in my mouth I wanted to see some better resolution with the characters.
And I am glad I did. I actually really liked this book.
This book is from the point of view of Darcy - the really unlikeable, self-centered, scorned woman from Something Borrowed. In this book you got to see the "magic" really happen. You see her pick up the pieces of her life and really watch her change. Recognize her faults (and there were many of them) and really start to transform herself.
This is a book I would recommend. And one that you can read independent of the first without losing any understanding needed for the plot and story.

Something Borrowed

Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin

I had high hopes for this one. I saw the movie previews and they looked charming. And I was on a break from school and wanted to read something light and fun and that would require very few brain cells. Well, I was completely disappointed. Although it did live up to the very few brain cells part :)
I didn't like it. Not really at all. I did read the whole thing. And there were a few suspenseful parts. But I hated the premise. And maybe its due to my personal story - but I just couldn't like two main characters that cheated on and lied to their partners and best friends. No matter their reasons. No matter how annoying and terrible the best friends/ partners are. I mean, break up....end the relationship...get a spine!! Okay, as you can tell I am getting all red faced and angry...probably better end this review. I didn't like it. Wouldn't recommend it. The End.

PS. I did read the second book in the series (Something Blue) and surprisingly really liked that one...

A Place of Yes

Do not ask me why I bought this. I am embarrassed to even post this. I am not sure why I am. But I did read it. I mean, no disrespect to Bethenny Frankel - I just never thought I would be the girl who bought books by reality stars. But I had heard there was great dating advice and career advice in this book...and as a single (and not so successfully single) woman I am ALWAYS looking for good dating advice. So I bought the book (in my defense it was really cheap and on sale....rationalization at its best).

And. I. Liked. It.

Okay, I admit it. I actually liked it. I mean, this book is no "Grapes of Wrath." It's not something that will be read by English classes in 200 years...but it was a good pool read. And I did learn a few good things. And it is a good book not just for single-looking-for-love-women. It has a lot of good perseverance and endurance and believe in yourself information in here. So. If you are looking for a quick/easy/motivational read....check this one out