At this moment, I feel completely hopeless. I am so ashamed of myself and what I have allowed myself to become. I want to be someone else. I hate that I hit him. I hate that I let myself go that far.
I hate that he said F. you. I hate that it hurt me so much.
I want to run. To sit in a cabin in Colorado -mountians all around me - and a house full of books. I want to avoid life. Core belief stuff...I can never trust anyone. Never with my heart. Never to see the best in me. Never to protect me. I can't trust anyone, not even myself.
I want to live in isolation because then I can never hurt them, and they won't hurt me.
Never
Never
They deserve better. They shouldn't even know that this stuff happens in the world. Their minds should be filled with magic.