Once upon the ramblings of a tired lady

I'm tired. It just came on out of no where. I was fine all day at work and then I got home and wham - I'm a walking (well actually not walking more like melting slowly into my comfy couch) zombie.

But I wanted to share a few things and give an update.

#1
I have decided that I am done with trips. We just had two fabulous trips. Salt Lake City and a camping trip. They were wonderful and memories that will last a life time (or so I hope. That was my mantra as I dealt with grumpy kids "These are memories that will last a lifetime) were made. I would like to tell you all about it. The hikes and food and friends and conference and adventures but I am too tired. See this is what memories that last a lifetime do to me. They wipe me out to the point that I can't even write them down for posterity. So basically I will probably forget them within in a year.

Also being tired makes me grumpy.

#2
I had a really awesome insight at church yesterday. It was amazing and new learning for me and I really want to share it. But I am
1. Too tired
2. Still sorting and making sense of it all. I want to spend some time journaling and will share when I can...

But the part that I really want to hang onto - is that if I would have left early, or stayed home sick or a million other excuses that show up when I want to escape the crowds at church and go home to my quiet sanctuary of a house - I would have missed out on that moment. I have a job that I love - but that takes a lot from me. There is a cost for sitting in the depths of others pain and trials. And I spend a lot of time with people - giving them my full heart and full attention. So weekends and time off work I have become greedy with.  And this new temptation has shown up. I can be at home alone - in complete silence. No one else's energy. No one asking anything of me. I can read.  I can think. I can sort.

And I can choose that.  Awesome thing agency.
And I won't get punished.
I spent a lot of years running from the punishing God - just to find out He doesn't usually work that way. Ever.
But I can miss out. I could have missed out on that clear moment when I KNEW something so clear and true that it changed me. A little bolt of intelligence that would still be floating out there -who knows how long before that opportunity would have been available to me again.
Not sure if this is making any sense to anyone else - but yesterday I got it. I don't want to miss those little gifts.

There is something magical about being in the right place at the right time. And we all know based on my obsession with Harry Potter - that I LOVE magic.





PS. Thought I should just offer a moment of silence for the poor Mr. Tyler who is really not enjoying school these days. It breaks my heart. And I feel that this face he is making not only represents his feelings about going to school but mine about sending him as well. I think we should just quit school and lay on the couch and eat chocolate pudding all day. This could be the fatigue speaking.