Cold Ears

Found him sleeping like this. Love everything about this boy...

PS. My favorite part of this is that we live in Arizona where you NEVER need winter hats outside....and inside, well, that's just silly!

Love these

We were stuck inside this morning with some really nasty weather( well, by Arizona standards). So while the boys were making a fort I worked on these. I think they turned out pretty nice. I am going to try making them with colors and patterns tomorrow afternoon. I am picturing a whole wall of silhouettes. 

Can you tell which is Ethan and which is Tyler?

Banana Cream Pie

I found this recipe a few years ago. I am not a big "pie person." I can think of a million desserts I would rather have before pie. However, I LOVE this pie. The crust is delicious and the filling is divine. So... enjoy

Banana Cream Pie

FILLING:

4 large egg yolks

2/3 cup sugar

¼ cup cornstarch

½ tsp salt

3 cups milk (works best with whole milk)

2TB butter

1Tb +1 tsp vanilla

1 cup whipped cream

2 large bananas

1. Bake pastry for baked One-Crust Pie.

2. Beat egg yolks with fork in medium bowl; set aside. Mix sugar, cornstarch and salt in 2-quart saucepan. Gradually stir in milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils. Boil and stir 1 minute.

3. Immediately stir at least half of the hot mixture gradually into egg yolks, then stir back into hot mixture in saucepan. Boil and stir 1 minute; remove from heat. Stir in butter, vanilla.  Slice the bananas into crust.  Pour into pie crust. Press plastic wrap on filling to prevent a tough layer from forming on top. Refrigerate at least 2 hours until set.

4. Remove plastic wrap. Top pie with Sweetened Whipped Cream and additional banana slices. Cover and refrigerate cooled pie until serving. Store covered in refrigerator.

CRUST:

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt
 2/3 cup shortening
 3 tablespoons butter or stick margarine
 2 teaspoons vegetable oil
 1/3 cup buttermilk


1. Mix flour and salt in medium bowl. Cut in shortening and butter, using pastry blender or crisscrossing 2 knives, until particles are size of small peas.

2. Mix in oil and buttermilk with fork until all flour is moistened and pastry leaves side of bowl. Divide in half; shape each half into a ball. If making one-crust pie, wrap second ball of pastry and freeze for later use.

3 This crust can just be patted into the pie pan. NO rolling needed!! (my favorite part)

Saves My Bacon

Just wanted to pass along something we've started this year that is a total lifesaver! I knew that with the way my school schedule was and with the morning temperament of these two boys we were going to need to do something to help simplify the mornings. So...this idea was born.

At the beginning of the week I take all their laundry and I roll them up into outfits. I put their clothes, undershirt, undewear, and socks into a little bundle with a rubber-band.

 And then I put all of their little bundles into their bin.

 

Gone are the days of them picking shorts, batman socks and sweater vests. Gone are the "Mommmmmmmm, I can't find any socks!" They still get some choices over what to wear. They just pick an outfit out of their bin and they are dressed before I even come upstairs in the morning. It really has saved my bacon!!

PS. In case you are wondering I purchased a "life time supply" of rubber bands from Amazon for 5 dollars.

Birds and Broken Hearts

I love birds. So much that I have them in almost every room in the house. 

A few birds in the Living Room. 

Tyler loves the birds too. He thinks these white birds are a "momma and her babies."

Here is another bird .

A bird in the boys' bathroom. 

Over the last few weeks Tyler has become more and more fascinated with the birds. I have noticed him on a chair looking at them several times. And then I started finding this....

Everyday, many times a day, I am finding the bird from the bathroom sitting on the shelf in the living room. A pattern is developing. Each time I take the brown bird back to the bathroom and put the stepping ladder the culprit left behind away - just to find Mr. Brown bird back in the living room a couple of hours later.

When I asked Tyler why he kept moving the brown bird he would just say,

"I think him likes it a lot better in here..."

As usual, the birds were moved again this morning. And I moved them back. However, this time when Tyler saw me moving the bird he burst into tears.

"NO Momma!! The Daddy bird wants to stay in here with the mom and babies. Daddies are supposed to be with mom's and babies...not all alone!"

And I saw his concern for that Daddy bird. And all that it means to him. And my heart broke for my little baby bird - for his broken heart, for his shattered world and all he has to face. And I knew he was right. Daddy birds are supposed to be with Mommy and baby birds. 

And so for now...this is how the birds will stay.

Jarem Frye - Athlete, Amputee, Mormon

Overheard

I overheard a conversation in the car today. I'd say 90% funny - 10% concerning. 

Tyler - What year was I born?

Me - 2005

Tyler - What year was Ethan born?

Me - 2003

Tyler - What year was Dad born?

Me(wondering where this is going) - 1978 

Tyler - and you mom?

Me - 1983

Tyler - now speaking quieter to Ethan - So...I am gonna die last. Ha Ha... I will live the longest.

Ethan - No. Maybe you will get hit by a car. Then I will die last

Tyler - No, cause I always listen to the crossing guard. I will not get hit by a car!!!! (he's getting louder and louder)

Ethan(Smugly) - Well, Tyler, there aren't always crossing guards. Sometimes you will have to cross without one. And then you will get his by a car. And then I will die last!

Tyler(in shock) - Mom, is there really places without crossing guards?

Me(not really wanting to be a part of this) - Yeah Ty, sometimes you just have to look both ways...

Tyler(in tears) - I am gonna die first. Ethan makes me so mad...he wins at everything!

So...on second thought I am thinking that this is more like 40% funny and 60% concerning. Seriously the sibling rivalry between those two has taken on new dimensions!

This I Know...

Been doing some blog reading this morning. I probably shouldn't be. I do have homework and housework that are calling  my name. But I am sick. I have a fever and no energy and its times like these that all I want to do is lay in bed, reading blogs and listening to Doris Day. I know... Don't judge me. 

But when I get sick - I miss my grandma. She had a way of making everything perfect when I was sick. She would bring me my oatmeal in bed...and get this, not only bring my oatmeal but my own little sugar bowl and milk pitcher. So although I am now eating stale cereal out of the box ( a far cry from the pampering at grandma's) I am listening to some Dorris Day...and that does make me feel like she's here.

So as I came across these blogs and articles. They struck a chord with me... Check them out.

Waking Up In California 

Mormon and Single...

Single, Female, Mormon, Alone

 They all had a common thread. One I can relate with. But can't we all? Haven't we, those of us who have the "dream" life they write of in these articles and those of us who maybe don't fit quite so well, haven't we all experienced loneliness and pain. Isn't that what its all about. To me it is. I tell myself that every time I face a hurdle that seems bigger, more challenging and threatening than the last... "It's not supposed to be easy. That was never the plan." 

I have been really happy lately. Something that I wasn't sure I would ever feel again. People told me I would. However, in the moment it was hard to imagine a time when I wouldn't be, hmmmm what's the word, well, broken. I felt utterly broken. My family...broken. My heart...broken( that's putting it mildly) My faith and trust in others...broken. 

Now the funny thing is, its not as if all my problems have disappeared. In a lot of ways there are more. So...although some of my problems are still here (and with no end in sight)  I feel better able to handle them. I have learned so so so much through this last year. Enough that I almost want to say I am grateful for these experiences...almost.

As I have read these articles and have contemplated the last years of my life I found myself making a list...

1. To be gentler with myself.

I no longer obsess over my every misstep. I can see that each "mistake" or "failure" was an opportunity to learn - to polish off more rough edges - I can see the wisdom and growth that they brought. I was once petrified of failure. I remember being paralyzed from making any decision in fear of making a mistake. I choose now to see and treat myself the way I would treat my own daughter. Carefully. Gently. And with love. 

2. I have few regrets.

I can say that I am at peace with where I am in my life. I read this quote recently, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” I feel that I am right where I need to be...regret is useless to me.

This is supposed to be me having few regrets...hahahah.

3. The POWER of positivity.

We have heard about it for years...but its not just some "psychobabble" it really works. I have learned that you can find the good and uplifting and beautiful in ANY situation. Really...ANY situation. It has made all the difference to me. I am not perfect at it...but it was a skill I realized was going to be essential to my survival early on in this process and I use it everyday. Sometimes I forget...I start to worry...especially about my kids...how this is hurting them, what they are being exposed to when away, how they have and are still being hurt by the decisions of others and how completely unfair it is...and then I stop and remember. Remember that they are loved more than I can ever imagine by a Heavenly Father, remember that they have strengths and abilities and goodness in them that can meet these challenges, and remember that these experiences can make them more of the men they are intended to be...that they, like me can grow and learn in powerful ways from these experiences.

4. Investments

Even the smallest investment in myself pays great dividends. I have learned that investing love, a commitment to healing, time to learn and laugh with friends even in very small quantities pays back 10 fold. I am a better mother, friend and woman as I take time for me.

5. I have learned to trust myself.

This may have been the hardest one for me. For years this nagging voice inside of me convinced me otherwise. I trust myself, more that anyone besides my God. I know that I( and all of us) can do anything.  I can take care of myself, make wise decisions, and thrive in the toughest of circumstances. I know that me + God = enough. I will never let that doubtful voice convince me that I am foolish, gullible, weak or incapable again.

6. Love

I have learned to ask for and receive love and help from others. It's hard for me to do so...I really hate asking for help...being a burden, however, I am learning to ask and that's a big step for me. I have found that I have learned more about love in this year spent alone than any other time in my life. I have found friendships that have saved me. Literally. I have found that love and support may not always come in the way we envision...but its always there for us if we accept it. 

This learning has changed my life in ways I am not sure I can even describe. So, this may not make sense to anyone else...and that's okay... I just needed to do it for me.  Almost as if I am carving my name in the side of a tree...letting the world know I was there. I want to say, I have been here. This is what it looked like.