Best decision of my life. Best. Decision. Ever.
This year has been incredibly healing. I have woken up everyday and seen pieces of myself come alive. Its amazing what the love of a good and trustworthy person can do. It may be the most powerful force for healing I have ever experienced. I love this man with all of my heart.
And so I would like to share one part of our love story. One that actually took place on July 27th last year:
The Wedding Day Curse That Blessed Me Forever
“I haven’t had an instant of cold feet…its weird Lynsey,
I am incredibly calm and ready to be Mrs. Parks,” I said confidently. Lynsey
and I talk everyday.
Every. Single Day.
And lately she has ben asking me if I have cold feet.
“But, I don’t Lynsey. Its weird, I just feel calm and ready and I know this is
right.”
I Should have knocked on wood.
It wasn’t 24 hours after this conversation that I
started to get this weight in my stomach. And these nagging worries whispering
in the background of my mind.
“You sure about this, Andrea?”
“Marriage can be really hard?”
“What if (fill it in with any catastrophe you can think
of…he cheats, he hates you, you fight all the time, he’s a workaholic and you
spend your life alone…”
And these anxious whisperings got louder and louder
until I was really starting to feel nervous.
Not big nervous. Not call off your wedding nervous. Just
mildly, I am getting married in 4 days and I have been badly burned and I
really really don’t want to get hurt – kind of nervous.
So….I prayed. And I prayed. But truth be told – I was
too busy steamng dresses and tracking down fake hair and packing for San Diego
and Jamaica and putting a “destination wedding” together to really stop and listen
for an answer.
So the wedding day rolls around. I am still feeling very
nervous. And I am waiting for that moment – one that I have now become
accustomed to getting from my Heavenly Father. For me, it feels like a warm tingling,
a calm mind, and lungs filled with air – no longer constricted by fear and
worry and anxiety.
But it had not come.
We drive to the Temple and the rock still sits in my
stomach. The clamp still wrapped around my lungs. I love this man unlike anyone
on Earth. I would give my life for him.
I am FIERCY loyal to him. But I am still heavy and worried for the forth day in
a row.
We walk into the temple; go through a succession of
meetings and shuffling from room to room and then we are brought into a small
recorders office. And asked for our recommends, marriage license, and other
documents needed.
Now I want to find a way to write what happened next.
Hmmmmm, how can I find words to describe complete and total panic. Terror.
Gripping, drop kick you in the stomach fear that to this day when I think of it
I almost start to cry.
I am sitting in this nice woman’s office, next to my
sweet fiancé, soon to be husband, and I remember that I left the most
important, essential piece of documentation home. Not Home at the Hotel. HOME
IN ARIZONA.
“Don’t Forget the Letter. This letter must be presented at the Temple
the day of your wedding!” A statement I
heard from friends, stake presidents, bishops and many others in the months
leading up to our wedding.
And yet, here I sit. Letterless and panicked. I start to
cry. How do I tell them this? How do I tell Shawn that I left the one thing I
HAD to bring in Arizona and our wedding is in less than an hour? That we have family
and friends from all over the country waiting to witness a wedding that won’t
be happening.
I stammer out the words, “ I left my letter.” The room gets completely quiet.
Shawn looks shocked, the kind woman sitting across the
desk tries to hide her concern – but I see it. She’s not sure this wedding is
happening either.
And then three miracles happened.
1.
In that moment I got a good, swift, dose of
perspective. I knew in that instant that there was not anything I wanted more
than to marry Shawn Parks. I would throw out the beautiful gown and jewelry and
honeymoon and receptions and flowers and cake and everything I had spent so
much energy and time preparing for to just get the opportunity to kneel at the
alter with this man. I. KNEW. THAT. The fear and anxiety left. I felt complete
love and commitment and devotion to this man. And I bowed my head, and cried,
and unembarassingly prayed in front of them. Begging God to give me a miracle.
2.
Shawn is an amazing man. I have always known
this. But that day I saw something next to perfection. And gave me miracle
number two. He looked nervous for just an instant…and then he took my hand and
said, “Andrea, it’s going to be okay. If we have to I’ll fly home, get the
letter, and we’ll get married tonight.
Please, don’t cry. Don’t worry. Please, please don’t worry” And he meant
it. He meant every word. I felt no anger or frustration from him. He didn’t
blame me or say “What??? How could you forget that? Do you know how many people
are here? How much we’ve spent.” He didn’t say any of the things I was thinking
about myself. He held my hand, prayed with me, and reassured me that it would
be okay and that he loved me.
3.
The last miracle happened when the little
woman came back into the room, sat down and calmly said it has been taken care
of. She was able to track down the proper people to get the verification that all
proper paperwork and clearances were in order. That he was home, and answering the phone and
that everything happened the way it did in that moment was a miracle. I KNOW
IT…I felt in that moment that God was answering my prayer.
As this all was happening I came to know a few things. I
was being given a little miracle – I am not sure how to explain it other than a
powerful conviction in my heart that what was happening before me was a
miracle, a blessing for my decision to marry him in the place I was and that it
was a gift.
Secondly, and most importantly I was
supposed to marry this man. I had been given a gift of seeing how he would
treat me – even in the worst moments – for the rest of my life. As he treated
me with such tenderness and compassion I had the thought “This is how he will
always be with you.”
The best part was that I walked into my wedding that day
– knowing now more than I had ever before that I wanted to be with this man,
that this marriage was a miracle, and that he was absolutely perfect for me.
