The Three Trees

A moment of clarity.

I had a really long drive today. I drove to Utah solo. It was the first time I have made that drive by myself.  It seems like this is a year full of firsts. And it gave a lot of time alone with my thoughts.

Alone.

That's a word I have had to really really face this year.  I have always been a "people" person. As a child, my definition of misery, was being forced to play alone. And if you wanted to really torture me force me to sit in my room...it felt like solitary confinement.

This year I have spent more time alone than any other time in my life. For the last seven years my house always seemed full of my children and the children I tended.  Having my boys in school and away on visitation two days a week has been difficult. Holidays and special occasions have been quiet and lonely.

And never have I felt more alone than I did after all the losses earlier this year. I remember when the realization hit me...that I was now the only one left. The last remaining member in my entire family.That day it felt like my already broken heart just shattered. It was devastating.

Today when I was driving I saw the most amazing sight. I saw this beauitful tree standing alone in the middle of a desert that stretched on for miles and miles. Not another tree in sight. And yet here this tree stood...green and strong.

Instantly I was reminded of a favorite scripture...

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
Helaman 5:12

 I have felt like that little tree for so so long. Not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but when I was little I lived with 5 families. And my dream, the idea I lived for, was that one day I would no longer be the lone tree. But part of a forest.

I never imagined this for myself...that 20 years later I would still be the lone tree. But isn't that life...we all have things we'd have never imagined.

As I looked at the beautiful little tree, standing all alone in the desolation, I was impressed with the idea that no matter if I am in the desert alone or in the center of the largest most lush forest - it does not matter. I just need to have my roots firmly rooted. That thought brought a flood of conviction rushing over me.

Me + God  = Enough. It may sound cheesy but I KNOW that its true. I have seen it. I have experienced my own "shafts in the whirlwind," complete with hail and storms and probably a few tornadoes. And like that tree...I am still standing. I may have a few leaves missing. Possibly a broken branch or two, but standing.

I miss my boys. I will get to see them Sunday! The only good part about being away from them so much is how much more I appreciate those two little faces. And when we get home I am going to show them the picture I bought for their room. "Three Trees" It reminded me of us. And I am going to tell them all that their momma learned while driving through the desert.