Sneaking a Peek.

Patience is a virtue...or at least I was told that many many times as a child.

I have a very bad habit. And in customary blogging fashion I am about to announce it to the world. I read the ending of a book first. I never start out intending to do it. I firmly tell myself, "Not this time, Andrea. You are going to be STRONG!" And then there would be a car crash or a wizards duel or a heart break so devastating that I am sure I will not live to read the ending....150 more pages, are you kidding me?? And so I would skip to the end. I'd peek. I would read enough to put my mind at ease. But the thing is - knowing the ending killed the magic.

In 2007 this all ended for me. I received the final book in the Harry Potter series - I was dying to know how it was going to end. Would Harry live? Would Voldermort - I mean, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named" be conquered? Would Ron finally grow up and ask Hermoine out?? And although I wanted to Peek...I didn't. I had waited far too long to ruin this. I was going to enjoy this book the way it was meant to be - cover to cover. In order.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wishing I could sneak a peek. Just get a little glimpse of how this whole thing called my life is gonna turn out. Get some PEACE over the worries we all have "Will my kids be okay...will I?" "Will I find love?"  "Will this Arizona sun give me wrinkles( I am joking....well, mostly)

However, as I was contemplating my wish to "read ahead" I was reminded of a little thing called faith.

Do I believe what I've professed to believe? Do I really believe He will do all He's promised to do? 

This is a question that is hypothetically easy to answer. But I have found its a lot harder when you are facing life. You know, those moments when pain or fear or uncertainty are banging at your door.

When you lose a child or pregnancy or house or job or marriage or parent. Loss makes you question. 

When you are betrayed or hurt or alone or abandoned or tired or weary or attacked or sick. Pain makes you question.
 

And for me  the answer to that question is YES.

I absolutely believe, I know. The promises are sure. That I will have a complete family. Alone will not last forever. That my children will be okay. Their pain will not last forever. That I will be guided and comforted...now and always. 

And so then comes in the faith. The turning the reins of my life over.  Not worrying about what will happen...because faith and fear can NEVER coexist. Because deep down inside - I already know the answer. I really do. So this is a book I don't need to read ahead in. Its a book with a perfect author. With a perfect plan.

White

I have always thought white was Ethan's color. His blue eyes and tan skin just "pop" even more when he's dresses in white. And it was never more true than this last Saturday.

Ethan with Uncle Ryan

A good friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago, "There is just something really special about the day your first born goes in that water." And she was right. It was an amazing day. 

As I have shared on this blog in the past, Ethan has social anxiety. And it has been a real struggle for him....and me. I have watched him struggle with school and primary programs and dentists and sports and it has been so painful to watch someone I love so much go through this. 

He wants to play/sing/go...but in the moment (especially his first time) he is terrified. He starts to sweat and his heart is beating out of his chest and he panics. And then he suffers after with the regret of missing out or feeling different. 

I knew that baptism was going be a hurdle for him. 

We've been talking about this for months. And every-time the subject was brought up I saw that look (the I am gonna bolt deer-in-the headlights look) and I was really very apprehensive about how this whole experience would go.

I wanted this to be his decision. I didn't want him to be forced or pressured into this. I decided that I would let him choose and respect his decision and when I asked him what he wanted to do he said very calmy, " I want to be baptized mom. I want to have an eternal family and I want to follow Jesus"(melted my heart). And he followed that statement with "But I don't know how I am gonna do it....I am so scared."

I have been praying and fasting for months for this little boy. I wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to have this experience under his belt that he could look back on and know he did it. I wanted him to not only accomplish this...but to enjoy it. 

. It didn't start well. He CLUNG to the car door when we pulled up that day. And he slumped into a ball in the corner of the dressing room when it was time to change into his white clothes. But then I said a prayer with him...and added another to the hundreds that had already been said in my heart that day.

And it was answered. 

He was baptized. And I cried all through it.

And he was confirmed. And I couldn't help opening my eyes.

And I saw his sweet face. It was completely PEACEFUL. Not one ounce of fear was found there. (and that my friends was our own personal miracle) And he had the biggest, sweetest smile across his face the entire blessing. I could just cry thinking of it. I know he was helped that day. 

Helped to accomplish something important to him and to HIM. I know that all of our struggles whether they be the small fears of a little 8 year old or the challenges facing nations are known and heard by God. I know that. 

And I am thankful that now Ethan knows it as well. 

I Am The Messenger

I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak

This book is written by the author of "The Book Thief", a book I absolutely adored. So now we are 2 for 2. I am really starting to love this guy. I think his books are smart, unique, and beautifully written. I loved this book - it was a page turner that I found myself immediately mesmerized  by it.(which has been rare lately - I find myself having such a hard time getting into most books I pick up...)
I don't want to say too much - but I would love for anyone who has read it to make a comment on what you thought of the ending...
Here is the overview The School Library Journal:
Nineteen-year-old cabbie Ed Kennedy has little in life to be proud of: his dad died of alcoholism, and he and his mom have few prospects for success. He has little to do except share a run-down apartment with his faithful yet smelly dog, drive his taxi, and play cards and drink with his amiable yet similarly washed-up friends. Then, after he stops a bank robbery, Ed begins receiving anonymous messages marked in code on playing cards in the mail, and almost immediately his life begins to swerve off its beaten-down path. Usually the messages instruct him to be at a certain address at a certain time. So with nothing to lose, Ed embarks on a series of missions as random as a toss of dice: sometimes daredevil, sometimes heartwarmingly safe. He rescues a woman from nightly rape by her husband. He brings a congregation to an abandoned parish. The ease with which he achieves results vacillates between facile and dangerous, and Ed's search for meaning drives him to complete every task. But the true driving force behind the novel itself is readers' knowledge that behind every turn looms the unknown presence - either good or evil - of the person or persons sending the messages. Zusak's characters, styling, and conversations are believably unpretentious, well conceived, and appropriately raw. Together, these key elements fuse into an enigmatically dark, almost film-noir atmosphere where unknowingly lost Ed Kennedy stumbles onto a mystery - or series of mysteries - that could very well make or break his life.

Something Blue

Something Blue by Emily Griffin

So if you read my previous review you would know that I didn't like "Something Borrowed". I mean, really, really really, didn't like it. So it is a bit shocking that I actually read the second book in the series "Something Blue". I am not sure why I did considering I disliked the first so much. But I think that it left such a bad taste in my mouth I wanted to see some better resolution with the characters.
And I am glad I did. I actually really liked this book.
This book is from the point of view of Darcy - the really unlikeable, self-centered, scorned woman from Something Borrowed. In this book you got to see the "magic" really happen. You see her pick up the pieces of her life and really watch her change. Recognize her faults (and there were many of them) and really start to transform herself.
This is a book I would recommend. And one that you can read independent of the first without losing any understanding needed for the plot and story.

Something Borrowed

Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin

I had high hopes for this one. I saw the movie previews and they looked charming. And I was on a break from school and wanted to read something light and fun and that would require very few brain cells. Well, I was completely disappointed. Although it did live up to the very few brain cells part :)
I didn't like it. Not really at all. I did read the whole thing. And there were a few suspenseful parts. But I hated the premise. And maybe its due to my personal story - but I just couldn't like two main characters that cheated on and lied to their partners and best friends. No matter their reasons. No matter how annoying and terrible the best friends/ partners are. I mean, break up....end the relationship...get a spine!! Okay, as you can tell I am getting all red faced and angry...probably better end this review. I didn't like it. Wouldn't recommend it. The End.

PS. I did read the second book in the series (Something Blue) and surprisingly really liked that one...

A Place of Yes

Do not ask me why I bought this. I am embarrassed to even post this. I am not sure why I am. But I did read it. I mean, no disrespect to Bethenny Frankel - I just never thought I would be the girl who bought books by reality stars. But I had heard there was great dating advice and career advice in this book...and as a single (and not so successfully single) woman I am ALWAYS looking for good dating advice. So I bought the book (in my defense it was really cheap and on sale....rationalization at its best).

And. I. Liked. It.

Okay, I admit it. I actually liked it. I mean, this book is no "Grapes of Wrath." It's not something that will be read by English classes in 200 years...but it was a good pool read. And I did learn a few good things. And it is a good book not just for single-looking-for-love-women. It has a lot of good perseverance and endurance and believe in yourself information in here. So. If you are looking for a quick/easy/motivational read....check this one out

Swimming, Secrets, and Sweat

The boys and I went to the pool today. We were there totally alone - which meant I was the entertainer. The time was spent playing their favorite game - Raging Rivers (which is basically mom becoming the amusement park ride and splashing, crashing , and dunking them until I am past the point of exhaustion.) But it was a good -really good kind of exhaustion.

Then we had dive competition(which for us is when I give them a creature/person they have to dive like. Tyler's clown is my all-time-favorite dive.)
Alot of time was spent in me teaching(or trying to) them how to float. Little know fact about Andrea: I am a world class expert at the float. Someone once told me that I float so well because fat is lighter than water and I have a higher body fat percentage.

SECRETS TO WOMEN #1 - Never, ever, EVER, tell a woman that the reason she floats so well is because she has so much fat.

Way to rain on my parade. I just thought I had a gift. 

Later I took the boys to get the supplies for these. We are making them for Ethan's party next week.

And to our surprise we are one of the few houses that still have power on our side of Mesa. Apparently there was a huge power outage and all the stores were in the dark...and Albertson's meat department smelled WRONG! 112 degree temperatures +no air conditioning + a large amount of raw beef = BAD NEWS. 

So the boys and I hurried back to our very cool house and said major prayers of gratitude. I am so thankful we still have air conditioning. I am not sure what we'd have done...but it wouldn't have been pretty.

As I was putting them to bed tonight I really felt like this was the perfect day. It was completely ordinary. But EXACTLY the kind of day I would chose  - low key - time with no demands, no plans, no stress. Just me and these two little boys who have become two of the greatest friends of my life.